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Something Only we know Brian,Justin and Ethan (原版小说，持续更新）
Chapter 1
Justin sat on the window seat staring out at the New York City skyline and sketched away frantically, not wanting to lose the inspiration he suddenly felt. Its beauty never failed to capture his imagination each time he looked at it. He had completely lost all track of time when suddenly he heard the all too familiar sound of the apartment elevator. Panic filled his body as he grabbed his sketch pad and raced to the bedroom.
"Shit," he shouted as he began to change his clothes.
He quickly pulled his long sleeved tee over his head and stepped out of his cargo pants. Shedding the clothes was always easy as he never wore socks and shoes in the apartment, just like Brian ... Suddenly he stopped at the thought of Brian. After all the years that had passed he still constantly thought of the man he once loved, still loved, and as always regret filled his mind about the decision he made to leave Brian all those years ago and what his life had become as a result of that decision.
His mind snapped back to the present and he continued to change his clothes. He opened his closet door, selected a pair of red silk lounging pyjamas and slipped them on. As he turned to close the closet door he stopped, his mind racing. Every item of clothing in there had been chosen by Ethan and not one shade of blue was present. Ethan never bought any clothing in blue for Justin as he hated the fact that Brian always loved to see him in blue. A wave of sadness suddenly came over Justin as yet again he was reminded that every aspect of his life was controlled by Ethan. Then suddenly a small smile appeared on his lips as he thought to himself: not every aspect.
He moved the bed and lifted up two floor boards, quickly placing his tee and cargos in his hiding place to join the other few personal possessions he still had that connected him with his past and Brian. He looked into the secret place and stared at the few items in there: a few more pieces of clothing along with a lot of sketches of Brian, his friends and family — items which he had kept hidden since he became trapped in this hell. The old clothing he managed to retrieve out of the laundry basket years ago, the sketches he already had safely hidden away. Quickly he replaced the floorboards and pushed the bed back into place, smiling at his actions, happy with the knowledge that he still had a small amount of control.
He placed the sketch pad on the bed and raced over to the elevator door just in time for it to open and for Ethan to step out and into the apartment. Numbness filled Justin's mind as he came face to face with the man who was supposed to love him, the man who was full of hollow words and empty promises, the man who now possessed him.
A smug smile crept over Ethan's lips as he pulled Justin in for a long passionate kiss. Again Justin felt nothing but numbness and went through the motions, as he did on every occasion, playing the role expected of him. Life was just easier that way and he did not want to be on the receiving end of Ethan's temper if he could possibly help it. When Ethan released him Justin started to take off the white silk scarf from Ethan's neck, along with his jacket. He turned and walked towards the cloak room to hang up the items. As he did so he lightly fingered the scarf, remembering the night of the prom when Brian had given it to him. Justin smiled. Ethan had no idea that the scarf had been given to Justin by Brian and it gave Justin great pleasure to see Ethan wear it every day without knowing its connection to Justin's previous life.
"How was your day?" Ethan asked as Justin handed him a brandy.
"Same old routine, locked in here with no-one to talk to." Justin froze. He could not believe the words that had just left his mouth. He slowly turned to look at Ethan, trying to figure out his reaction by his eyes.
"Now, now, Justin, do I sense my muse is upset?" Ethan slowly placed his drink on the side table and made his way over to Justin. Justin reacted quickly and started to make up for the loose words that had escaped from his lips. He walked slowly towards Ethan.
"I'm not upset Ethan, I've just missed you today. I was lonely without you." Justin looked into Ethan's eyes, praying the man believed him.
Ethan grabbed the blond by the hair and pulled his head back, licking and biting his neck while pulling his body hard against his own. Justin immediately felt the hardness of Ethan's cock against his thigh, through the thin material of the pyjamas. He allowed his body to relax, knowing he had managed to avoid getting Ethan angry.
"You look fucking sexy in red." Ethan said as he pushed Justin down on to his knees.
Justin complied. He knew this role so well. After all these years he knew what was expected of him and he got to work.
He unbuckled Ethan's belt, unfastened the button on his trousers, slowly slid down the zip while all the time staring into Ethan's eyes. He slowly pulled Ethan's trousers down; as usual he was not wearing any underwear. His cock immediately jumped out, demanding Justin's attention. Justin started slowly by placing soft kisses along the inside of Ethan's thighs, then moved slowly to his balls, gently sucking them while kneading Ethan's ass. Then taking the tip of his tongue he lightly licked the underside of Ethan's cock before taking it all into his mouth. Ethan moaned as Justin finished him off, swallowing every last drop of cum.
Strange thoughts passed through Justin's mind, as they always did during these sessions. The first was always that he was glad he had no gag reflex because doing this made him want to vomit! Another thought entered his head—Brian — and he suddenly began to feel ashamed. If Brian could see him now what would he think? Would he be disgusted with him or sympathise, knowing that he was doing this to survive, that he had no other option. He wanted to laugh out loud at the thought of Brian sympathising. Fuck, he thought, Brian Kinney did not do sympathy. Ethan's words in the distance brought him out of his thoughts.
"Not bad Justin, I'd give it 7 out of 10. Still room for improvement," he said, laughing as he made his way to the bedroom. Still on his knees, Justin started chanting in his head his favourite words "I fucking hate you Ethan". He repeated these words over and over as he slowly got off the floor and followed Ethan into the bedroom for the next degrading round. As he walked into the bedroom he knew what awaited him; it was the same every time; pain.
Later that evening, while lying in bed, Justin started to remember the events that had brought him to this point in his life. It had all started with the night he left the Rage party.
Chapter 2
It had been the final straw when Justin saw Brian in the backroom of Babylon fucking Rage. The hurt ripped through him to his core. He knew Brian still tricked, but on this night he thought Brian would be by his side to support him. As he was leaving in disgust he saw Ethan and that was when he made his choice.
Ethan took Justin back to his apartment and they spent the rest of the evening and the following day making plans for their future together. Ethan had been given a great opportunity to move to New York to play in a small touring company. They were being promoted as the next big thing. They were young, good looking and talented. Justin quickly said goodbye to his family and friends, relieved to be given this escape from Pittsburgh and Brian.
Justin made arrangements to meet Brian at the loft so that he could collect his things. When he arrived at the loft he knocked at the door rather than use his key. There was no answer so eventually he let himself in. He looked around slowly then realised that Brian wasn't there. His heart was pounding in his chest. Where was Brian? Justin leant against the door with his empty bag in his hand. He had built himself up for this final meeting and prepared himself mentally for how difficult it would be. However, he had not prepared himself for Brian not being there. Slowly he pushed himself off the door and made his way to the bedroom. As he opened the closet door he realised that his whole body was trembling, tears were rolling down his face and his hands were shaking. Did he really mean so little to Brian? Justin started to become angry with himself. Why had he expected anything else? After all, Brian Kinney did not do love or relationships and this was his final hurtful lesson. He collected what he needed and made his way towards the door. Once there he paused, took one last look around and then placed his key on the kitchen counter, set the alarm and left.
Justin loved New York. He and Ethan rented a small one bedroom apartment. Ethan performed with his touring company and Justin enrolled in art school. He also had a part-time job in a restaurant. He was happy as he enjoyed being in a relationship with someone who loved him and said so on a daily basis. The only downside was the agreement Ethan had entered into with his manager. Ethan had agreed to pretend to be straight to help his career. He accepted this as something he needed to do, but Justin hated this arrangement. He was not allowed to go to Ethan's concerts and when they were together he was introduced as Ethan's cousin.
Ethan's career began to flourish and he began to spend more time away from home touring and promoting his first solo album. They had been together in New York for 18 months and had fallen into a familiar pattern. While Ethan was away Justin concentrated on his art and worked part time at the restaurant, as well as a few hours a week at a local art gallery. He had been placed there for work experience and had built up a good working relationship with the owner, Josh. The work experience had been for one term, and when it was finished Josh had offered him some paid work for a few hours a week. Justin loved his work at the gallery.
After graduating Justin began to work full time at the gallery. All of his time was now consumed by art and he loved it. Josh became a good friend. He allowed Justin to use an empty room above the gallery as a studio. He was actually the only friend Justin had, but even Josh did not know about Ethan. Ethan had persuaded Justin that it would be best for his career if Justin had little contact with other people.
Justin bit down on his bottom lip as remembered how he had readily agreed to this. He had also cut all ties with his friends in Pittsburgh. Ethan had pointed out that they were really Brian's friends and had only become friends with Justin because of his association with Brian. Also over time he had lost contact with Daphne. Ethan was always angry when Justin contacted his best friend. This had caused many arguments between the pair and finally Ethan had told Justin to choose Daphne or him. Remembering the last onversation with Daphne was always painful. Both of them had been in tears as Justin explained the choice he had to make. Daphne's words replayed in his mind.
"Justin you can't do this. I am the only friend you have left," she said softly. She was very worried about her best friend, who sounded tired.
"Daph I'm so sorry. I'll always love you but it's just too difficult for us to be in contact right now. You and Ethan don't like each other and I'm stuck in the middle." Justin replied wearily.
"Justin, all I want is for you to be happy. Someone who makes you choose between your best friend and your partner doesn't want you to be happy. He can't control your life. Please don't let him." Justin could hear the sadness in her voice and the quiet tears.
"Daphne this is really hard for me. Ethan is my partner and he loves me."
" I don't think that's love. Brian loved you and never demanded anything from you." There was a long silence at the other end of the phone. "Justin, are you still there?"
"Yes I'm here." Justin croaked, trying to hold back his emotions. Trying to compose himself, he replied, "Brian is in the past. Ethan is my future." He let out a long sigh.
"Do you love Ethan? Like you loved Brian?" she whispered. There was no reply. "You've just answered my question without saying anything at all. Please don't do this to yourself. You're making a mistake."
"Daphne, Ethan loves me so much and I really care for him," he eventually replied.
"That's not enough," she cried. She now knew that she was going to lose her best friend and could no longer hold back the tears. He seemed so distant and distracted.
"Daphne I have to go," he sobbed. "Remember I love you." With that the phone went dead.
"Justin, Justin! " Daphne cried but there was no-one there.
The only person that Justin still had some contact with was his mother. They spoke every few weeks but only when Ethan was present. Justin always kept the conversation light and prepared funny stories about the gallery as well as all the latest news on Ethan's career. His mother loved to hear how happy Justin sounded and was pleased that he and his partner were making a good life for themselves together.
At the time cutting all ties with his friends in Pittsburgh seemed a small sacrifice to make for someone who really loved him. However, now he was all too aware that this isolation was the beginning of his problems. A shudder went through Justin's body as a more painful memory entered his mind.
Ethan was on a tour and Justin had been working long hours in the studio creating a piece for a small showing. Josh had suggested that he should show five pieces in an exhibition to be held next month. Justin was ecstatic and was working on the project every opportunity he had. It was 4.00 a.m. when Justin arrived home and he was exhausted. He dropped his messenger bag on the floor and toed off his shoes. He made his way into the kitchen and opened the fridge. That's when he heard Ethan's voice.
"Where the fuck have you been?"
Justin jumped. "Shit Ethan, you nearly gave me a heart attack," he shouted.
Within seconds Ethan had crossed the room and was in his face. "I said where the fuck have you been?" he demanded again.
Justin felt nervous. He looked into Ethan's eyes, which were dark and angry. Justin took a step back.
"I've just come from the gallery," he said quietly, looking at the paint still on his hands.
Ethan moved closer, and Justin smelt booze on him. They both stood staring at each other — the silence made Justin more nervous. The only noise Justin could hear was Ethan's heavy breathing and the sound of his own heart pounding in his chest. He decided to speak.
"So how was the tour?" he asked while trying to walk past Ethan.
"I was brilliant as usual" Ethan laughed as he grabbed hold of Justin's arm to stop him getting past.
"You should have been there; the after party was most memorable," he paused then whispered in Justin's ear "...and the blond guy I fucked afterwards reminded me of you!"
Justin angrily pushed Ethan's hand off his arm. "What the fuck did you say?" he shouted.
"You heard me Justin, the blond guy I fucked reminded me of you," he shouted back.
Justin was shaking with anger. He rubbed his hands over his face while trying to process what Ethan had just said. He looked at him in disbelief, watching as the man stood there smirking.
"Why?" Justin shouted.
"Justin, you have to keep your fans happy," he replied. Justin felt like he was going to throw up. How many times had this happened he thought? Tears of frustration started to roll down his face. He hated himself for crying.
"You said you loved me, wanted to be with me and nobody else," he screamed.
Ethan smirked "I do love you Justin, but monogamy is highly overrated."
Justin felt a dull pain in his chest. "I'm out of here!" he shouted, and started to make his way across the room. Ethan jumped in front of him.
"Come on Justin, stop being a fucking drama princess, " he laughed.
"How is this any different from what you used to put up with from Brian?" he asked, almost too calmly.
Justin froze and then quietly said "Brian never made me any promises about monogamy and love, but you did."
He moved to walk past Ethan. He managed maybe one or two steps when Ethan grabbed him by the hair and threw him to the ground. Shocked, Justin stared up into the eyes of the man who now straddled his body. Ethan pinned both of Justin's hands above his head and started to take off Justin's pants. It took a few moments for Justin to realise what was actually happening and then he started to struggle. He managed to flip Ethan off and started to get up. That's when he felt Ethan grab his hair again and his head was jerked back hard. Justin reached up with both of his hands to try and break the hold. To his surprise, Ethan let go. The relief was short lived as Ethan again took hold of Justin's hands and pinned him to the wall. He attacked Justin's mouth with hard wet kisses, engulfing his mouth. Justin tried desperately to struggle free. He was also struggling for air. Ethan stopped. He was panting in Justin's face and smiling.
"Is this how you liked it with Brian, hard and rough?" Justin was stunned. Who the hell was this person in front of him?
"Fuck you Ethan!" he shouted. That was the last thing Justin remembered until waking up in bed later that morning, naked, with Ethan placing a breakfast tray beside him with a single red rose on it. Justin lay there stunned. What the hell happened, he thought to himself. He tried to sit up but the sharp, piercing pain in his ribs made him stop.
'Morning Sunshine," Ethan smiled, tenderly stroking the side of Justin's face.
Stunned, Justin lay there listening to Ethan's apology. He was confused and exhausted. He glanced at the clock to check the time— 7.00 a.m. Over the next hour Ethan explained that the trick was a one off and it would never happen again. He loved Justin more than life itself and could not live without him. Tears slowly slid down Ethan's face as he tenderly stroked Justin's hair and promised he would never behave that way again. Tenderly he kissed Justin and begged for his forgiveness. Justin slowly kissed him back. He knew Ethan only wanted what was best for both of them. As he entered the shower Justin noticed a bruise appearing on his left side. Despite his feelings for Ethan, he promised himself that if this happened again he would leave.
Over the next few weeks Ethan was more attentive than ever. Justin realised that his decision to stay with his lover had been the correct one and forgive him his indiscretion. After all, Ethan loved him dearly and was prepared to commit his feelings into words.
Chapter 3
A year later and Ethan was now the most successful selling artist in both the classical and pop charts. He was earning more money than he had ever dreamed possible and his recording company had given him a penthouse apartment to use for as long as he wanted. When Justin and Ethan viewed the apartment for the first time they were amazed. It covered the top floor of the apartment building and was beyond their wildest dreams. They moved in immediately. They adapted one room into an art studio for Justin and another one into a music studio for Ethan. They both continued with their routines. Ethan toured and Justin continued to work at the gallery and on his art. The pieces he had shown previously were very well received and he now also worked on private commissions. He was slowly establishing a name for himself and was happy to be earning more money.
During this time Ethan became more possessive of Justin and wanted to know where he was at all times. Justin had a pager as well as his mobile phone and was constantly checking in with Ethan. On one occasion he left his phone at home and Ethan was furious. The result of his actions earned him another beating, as well as an attack on his studio. It was a mistake he never repeated. Over the years Justin realised he was trapped in an abusive relationship but for some reason he could not leave. Life was a constant challenge, walking on eggshells trying to keep Ethan happy while trying to concentrate on his art.
Five years after arriving in New York Justin received his big break. Josh had agreed to promote a full gallery showing of his work. He worked on the pieces in both of his studios, at home and at the gallery. Opening night was a huge success and Justin was on a high. Towards the end of the night however, Ethan arrived in the company of his manager and a younger man. Justin was surprised to see him. Delighted, he walked over to greet them. Ethan made the introductions.
"Justin Taylor is my cousin. " he explained to the younger man while grinning at Justin.
No explanation was necessary for his manager. Justin held out his hand and the younger man shook it.
"Hi, I'm Sean, a huge fan of Ethan's," he smiled.
Justin paused and looked at Ethan, who was smirking. He felt a tight knot in the pit of his stomach. For fuck's sake! Ethan had brought a trick to his opening night. The colour drained from Justin's face, which delighted Ethan. Bringing the trick had produced the exact effect he had wanted. Justin made his excuses and left to get a drink. Once he had calmed down slightly he continued to mingle with his guests. He noticed his hand trembled every time he was introduced to someone.
Towards the end of the evening he managed to slip away to the studio above the gallery to consider his next move. When he opened the door the sight before him both surprised and disgusted him. Ethan was fucking Sean on his desk. Justin was speechless. He could not take his eyes off the scene in front of him. Sean was lost in the heat of the moment but Ethan just kept his eyes fixed on Justin. Justin eventually stumbled out of the room. He made his way out of the gallery and went home. An hour later he was on the phone to his mother.
'Hi mom, it's me." he said, trying to keep his voice from breaking.
"Justin, I want to know all the details about the opening night. How did it go?"
"It was great, but that's not why I'm calling," he paused, taking a deep breath. "I'm leaving Ethan." There was silence on the other end of the phone. "Mom, I said I'm leaving Ethan."
"Why?" she asked, puzzled.
"It's complicated. I'll explain later. But for now just know that he is a cheat and a liar. And I'm tired of being a secret."
"Don't make any rash decisions." she said, immediately assuming that this was probably a minor lover's spat.
"You have no idea how long I've been thinking about this!" he shouted. His mother was quiet. He continued in a calmer voice.
"Look, I'm not going to change my mind. I've decided to travel for a while to get myself together. I'll contact you when I settle. Don't worry about my decision, but believe me when I say it's the right one."
Then he heard the elevator on its way up to the apartment. "Mom, I've got to go." he said and hung up. The elevator door opened. Ethan stood there with an open bottle of champagne.
"To the toast of the art world." he laughed. He moved over to the bar and collected two champagne flutes. He slowly poured two glasses and handed one of them to Justin.
"To you, Sunshine." Justin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew what was about to happen.
"Take the drink and join me in a toast, Sunshine." Justin did not take the glass.
"I said take the fucking drink and join me in a toast, Justin!" he shouted. Again Justin did not reciprocate.
Ethan put the glasses down and made his way over to Justin. He took hold of Justin's arm and sat him on the sofa. He then collected one of the glasses and held it to Justin's lips while straddling Justin's lap and facing him.
"Drink." he said.
Justin didn't respond. He kept his eyes down, too scared to look at Ethan. For a few moments nothing happened, and then slowly Ethan took a mouth full of the champagne. He put the glass down, gripped Justin's jaw and then pulled his mouth down onto his own. Slowly he released the bubbly liquid into the blond's mouth. Justin started to cough and tried to push Ethan's hands off his face. Ethan pushed him down onto the sofa. He took hold of the bottle and started to pour the contents into Justin's mouth. Gasping, Justin tried to swallow the liquid in between coughs. It was running all over his face and into his eyes. He couldn't see. Eventually the bottle was empty and Ethan then proceeded to lick the liquid off his face.
"To the toast of the art world." he whispered into the blond's ear.
He moved his hand to the front of Justin's trousers and began to pull down the zip. Justin's trousers and underwear were pushed down to his knees. Then Ethan turned him face down into the sofa while pulling the garments off completely. Justin fought to remove his face from the sofa, his lungs fighting for air. That's when he felt Ethan enter him without any preparation. He screamed in pain, the sofa muffling the sound of his cries. When Ethan was finished he threw the condom on the floor and sat on the end of the sofa, content with knowing that he had humiliated Justin.
"We need to talk, Justin." he said casually. He walked over to the bar and poured himself a brandy.
Justin slowly pushed himself onto his knees and gathered his trousers off the floor. He sat on the sofa and placed the trousers over his lap. Ethan continued.
"I think you need to leave. This relationship is over."
Justin slowly raised his head to look at Ethan, his heart pounding in his chest upon hearing the words. He slowly digested what he had just heard. After a few moments he realised that this declaration by Ethan was his escape.
"I’m touring the rest of the week so by the time I return I want you gone."
Justin nodded his head and slowly made his way to the shower. He stayed under the water, feeling the heat burn his skin as he tried to scrub away the events of the evening. The water eventually ran cold and he stepped out of the shower. He took a bath towel and started to dry himself when he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. He hardly recognised the face staring back at him. His eyes were dull with large black circles under them and looked thin; too thin. If he had had any energy left he might have cried, but there were no tears left in him. He had lost all track of time but when he entered the bedroom he was relieved to find that Ethan had packed a bag and gone. Climbing in between the cool sheets, he stared at the ceiling; unable to sleep, he started to make plans for his departure.
Chapter 4
Justin got up early the next morning after a sleepless night. He knew that Ethan was away for five days, but he would be gone in two.
First he made his way to the gallery, which would not be open for another hour. He let himself in and slowly walked around. He had loved working here; it was probably the only thing that had kept him sane. As he looked at his pictures on the wall he noticed that each one had a red dot on it. Then he heard the front door open as Josh came in. Josh rushed over to him and pulled him into a huge embrace. Justin did not return the gesture.
"I can see you're in shock." Josh laughed. Justin looked at him with a puzzled expression.
"You, my friend, were a huge hit." Josh continued as he relaxed his hold on his friend.
"Every single piece sold." Josh shouted. Justin once again looked at the red dots on all his pieces, which confirmed what Josh was saying.
"I can't believe it." Justin stammered. Again his friend grabbed hold of him and this time spun him around.
"This is just the start." Josh smiled. A smile crept over Justin's lips. Josh was right—this was just the start, the start of the rest of his life.
For the rest of the morning Justin explained to Josh why he was leaving. He wanted to concentrate on his art full time, and thanked Josh for being a good friend, as well as for his support at the gallery. He promised Josh that he would stay in touch and send him his address when he settled somewhere else. As for the money for Justin's paintings, Josh said he would deposit it in Justin's account once all the money was in. After one last lunch together Justin left his friend and made his way back to the apartment.
Justin arrived at the apartment around 3.00 p.m. There was not a lot left to do. There were no bank accounts to close as he and Ethan had kept separate accounts, so the only task left was to pack. He took out a large bag and began to pack a few necessary items. He had decided to take very little as he wanted a fresh start. Once packed, he checked the closet one last time when he saw it. Pushed at the very back was the white silk scarf Brian had given him at the prom. He took it out and placed it around his neck. The feel of it against his skin was fabulous and memories of that night and Brian came flooding back. He smiled, maybe there was still a chance, maybe... He placed the scarf on the bed. He would pack it last so that it didn't get crushed. Then as he was about to move the bed to retrieve his sketch pads from their secret place he heard the elevator doors open and watched in horror as Ethan stepped out.
"Afternoon, Sunshine." he said
"No, no, no ..." Justin shouted as Ethan set the security code.
Justin shook his head at the memory, remembering how he fell into Ethan's trap. Ethan had waited until Justin went to the gallery to inform Josh of his departure. He had apparently followed Justin's every move. While Justin was having lunch with Josh, Ethan had arranged for a job to be carried out in a small room in the apartment. Two poles had been fitted in a room; one was connected between the floor and the ceiling, and a second was suspended horizontally at a height that was perfect for handcuffing Justin to while he was standing with his hands above his head. "Happy times" Justin thought sarcastically to himself.
Ethan walked across to Justin and noticed the bag on the bed.
"Going somewhere?" he asked.
"I thought you said I should leave." Justin stuttered as he pulled his legs into his chest.
"You're going nowhere." Ethan whispered into the blond's ear. Justin went cold.
"Really Justin, just how stupid are you? You know I love you and I own you. You aren't going anywhere, ever," he growled.
Justin sat on the bed, playing with his fingers. He had no energy left to fight.
Over the next hour Ethan collected all of Justin's personal possessions, including his clothes, into a large pile in the bedroom while Justin watched in silence. He felt nothing except numbness. Ethan then bagged all the items and informed Justin that he no longer needed them. The only item Ethan did not throw away was the silk scarf. He decided to keep it for himself. That was when the prison sentence started: no contact with the outside world and trapped in a nightmare with Ethan.
Justin heard Ethan stir in his sleep next to him and forgot about the memories for now. He had to get some sleep, as it was only two hours until the beginning of another day. |
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